thoughts on paraphilias, intrusive thoughts, and paraphiles
coming soon~

coming soon!

thoughts on pro-ship, pro-fic, dark-ship and otherwise "problematic" fiction

coming soon!~

thoughts on contradictory labels

A super braindead take I often see floating around on social media- especially Twitter and Tumblr- has to do with defining lesbianism. A lot of people online define lesbians as "non-men loving non-men," and gay men as "non-women loving non-women." You may be thinking: "But, Star, that is technically true-!"

....What about bigender people? What about nonbinary people? What about genderfluid people? What about [the list goes on and on.] The thing is, we create a whole new binary when we use terms like men vs. nonmen. The whole POINT of being non-binary is... not being in the binary. Get it?

It is absolutely essential to accept "weird queer people" such as those who use contradictory labels, neopronouns, xenogenders, it/its pronouns, non-dysphoric trans people, and all those in between. "Oh, but they're weird. I don't understand them, so obviously they're faking it! They're making us an easier target for bullying and harrassment, we already get faced with enough."

..Bigots don't care if you're 'just' a gay man, 'just' a lesbian, 'just' transgender. Yeah, you're on their side when it comes to 'weird' identities, but what happens when there are no 'weird' identities to bully, huhhh? Seems like keeping company with bigots won't do you good in the long run, right?

Being a "safe" queer person won't make the bigots like you, won't make the transphobes tolerate you, won't get them to see you as more than a target. The sooner you realize that and get over yourself, the sooner WE CAN CHANGE THINGS!! You think that when the stonewall riots were going on, butch lesbians gave a fuck what gay men were calling themselves? You think before the internet, they sat and debated what pronouns were or were not okay to use? What labels were or were not "non-controversial?" NO, of fucking-course-not! They were fighting just to be respected, fighting just to fucking survive, as we still are. OPEN YOUR EYES.

  • "But a transgender man calling himself a lesbian is transphobic to himself!" ...He isn't forcing every transgender man to call themself a lesbian.

  • "He/Him lesbians don't make sense!" ..Pronouns don't equal gender.

Honestly, why does it matter? Why do you give a singular shit?? Nobody is forcing you to call yourself something you don't want to, so... just, respect them?

At the end of the day, gender, pronouns, and sexuality are all things we made up. Labels are tools, not rules. Use what makes you feel comfy.

Peace (✿◡‿◡)

thoughts on yaoi, yuri, and fujin

i think its really bizarre- as a queer person- when someone calls the terms yaoi and yuri "problematic." i also find it bizarre when people call out fujoshis & fujin for apparently "fetishizing" gay people- especially gay men. Yaoi is just a japanese term to mean boys' love, and yuri is just a japanese term to mean girls' love. Fujoshi is just a term that means a woman that likes boys' love. They claim that since much of yaoi is written/drawn by 'cishet' women that means they're fetishizing gay men. First things first, gatekeeping depicting queer people, or queer media in and of itself from non-queer folks is counterintuitive. We want to be normal, not gatekept. For us to be normal, we have to allow whoever to write our relationships.

  • being queer doesn't exempt you from being morally gray, "bad," "evil," etc. Pretending that it does is ridiculous, and treating queer people like divine beings which can do no wrong is also ridiculous. Furthermoreso is acting as if any media depicting us as being less than perfect is fetishization material is also wrong.

  • people being attracted to a queer relationship is not inherently fetishization. some people find it hot when straight people kiss, so what's wrong with some people finding it hot when gay people kiss? we highly overuse the claim of fetishization.

  • many of the "Cishet" women writing, drawing, exploring, and enjoying queer media people find "problematic" aren't genuinely cishet. there are many people i spoke to who are now queer in some (or multiple!) ways, shapes, or forms, who were first introduced to the possibility of other things out there from media! and even though there are many cishet women who enjoy queer media, it doesn't mean they're bigots!

  • so many people don't know what the damn word MEANS. fetishizing something doesn't just mean you find it hot, for gods' sakes! typically in the context of queer people, it means that someone doesn't view us as human ASIDE FROM FOR SEXUAL PURPOSES. we are queer, and we can be sexual. people can enjoy sexual content with queer people. the problem becomes when that is ALL THEY VIEW US AS. OBJECTS OF ATTRACTION for one use only, ever.

  • fetishization is:
    - dehumanizing
    - disrespecting queer people simply on the basis of them being queer,
    - in the same breath being attracted to the concept of queerness.

    cishet people can be attracted to the thought of queerness! it's a natural thing for many people. the problem arises when that is all we are considered good for.

    TLDR; people who like yuri/yaoi aren't fetishizing queerness inherently. the terms are fine to use, they're not problematic. get over it.

    - sincerely, a bigender queer person who enjoys both yuri and yaoi.