it's like.. having memories of an old life i can never return to. waking up and not recognizing my body. feeling more at home outside, far away from everything. it's like drawing how you see yourself and feeling like you're looking in a mirror for the first time. it's like a breath of fresh air when you didn't know you were choking, it's freeing and binding all at once.

note: everything typed after this point unless otherwise specified is WORD FOR WORD transcribed as it was in my notebooks. this means that the statements written may not reflect my current beliefs, mental state, thoughts, etc. with that out of the way, let's continue.

Written from September 26th, 2022- September 28th, 2022

12 bodily.

Starfall No. 1

-lived about 200 human years?

-dad was star elf

- mom faerie

- (died giving birth to me)

-their love was forbidden

-some star elves thought races shouldn't mix; father was important leader- thus had to be a secret

- my name was Silmerána Isilmë Luicarnilma.

Isilmë - fem. Quenya name meaning moonlight

Silmerána - gleaming moon/silver moon

silmë- starlight



ilma- quenya-archaic (?) name for starlight

luicarnë- purple


Luicarnilma was my mother's proper name, so it was only right that when she died, I would carry it on.

Isilmë was affectionate; mostly only my father would call me that. sometimes rose would call me silmë, i was her little Sil Sil.

I miss her.

"Someone loved me Someone fucking loved me I loved them too, I had a right to die a right to live a right to choose to. and god no. Of course i don't wanna feel better?!"

half-elf, half-fae
elf w/ fae wings
-purple eyes

Joined Treehouse Fellowship Disc Server
7/22/22 ish.

thought myself to be half moon elf half fae.

Aurae pinged me about star elves. I read it and it just fell more and more into place. And suddenly I remembered.

To exactly pull from what I said. I saw and responded.

'I had light skin, with a silvery blueish tint. My hair was a silvery blue' - eh, skin's more dark purple; hair the same.

'my eyes were violet.'

'I was very tall, like close to 6 foot.' mm maybe like 6'4?

'slender build, yeah. I remember that I preferred to wear less neutral clothing, but when we had to blend in I would wear neutral clothing, yeah. like i said, pastelly-alt typa stuff. i remember my friends and i used to travel out into the human towns and party.'

at this point, i realized how indepth this was, and came to the conclusion that i may have had a past life.

'i remember i met a human.
their name was rose.
we fell in love.
she died.'

at first, i believed my own family to have killed her.

later on that day, however
different channel, 'i also remember being separated from humans a lot, like we weren't allowed. but my friends and i ignored that.'

Aura stated
'Moon elves are the most tolerant of them. we see a little good in all races, except orcs, gnolls, and drow. star elves look similar to moon elves since you did mention affinity to moon elf.'

then i said

'i remember that my [extended] family despised all humans, but my friends and i, while we thought they needed a little guidance, thought our clan was foolish for turning awway from them so much.'

she [aura] asked
'Do most star elves really think us moon elves are naive? do you think so? you and your friends?'

i responded
'the star elves were more divided. there were those who believed the moon elves were on the right track, i believed this too, and those that believed the moon elves more foolish and humans terrible. this has gone back for millenia, just most outside the star elves were unaware.'

'i'm glad some see it that way. i try for a balanced view, because i'm still all alas humans but i see good in some. i just meant that it seems more recent that some star elves be that way, it wasn't always the case. we can learn a little from all races'

and then she amended it to 'well some'

i replied 'no, all. while there are some that are rather stuck in the old ways, and cruel, you can still learn from them.

-rose w/ blue tinted skin, pointy ears, blue eyes, dark hair.

two main friends

-jokester one, sun elf, dancer. red hair, dark skin, yellow eyes, permanent smirk.

-nickname atya bcuz it meant daddy

i had dragonfly wings

- dad on council, layed back (I MEANT LAID BACK)

-(i) died when 200 in human years at own hands
- half human half moon elf, met (rose) when i was 130? ish
fell in love. got married at 200. killed the night of the wedding.

-the main friends.
us three were in a qpr, he (atya) had collar i gave him with ( ) (transcription note: i dont remember yet) engraved on back

we were rlly close. other friend was bard and most likely genderfluid.

- we had a band together called weird cum balls in our language and we partied w/humans & didn't care abt stoopid star elf rules

- (what else argh i cant find)


"my father was a star elf. he and my mother, a faerie, met one night. they loved each other quick, and my mother died fast. she died giving birth to me. i never knew her. only from stories my father told.

she seemed beautiful. he had ap icture of her, and got someone to paint her. she ws breathtaking. she had this aura of... overwhelming life around her wherever she went, my father said.

since she was a faerie, and he a star elf, they were not allowed to wed. so their relationship was a secret.'

'i guess he too thought a bit differently than other star elves.'

'He was on a council, in an important position, so he especially couldn't let their relationship become known. he had a midwife, one he had known for many years, assist with the birth. he said my wings were just a deformity to the others on the council.

this raised suspicion, but he was of such a high stature that they didn't argue with him. only behind closed doors, gossip. theyknew each other for less tgab a year, but they fell in love so deeply.

'she was like the moon, and he the stars. i miss him, and her.'

'i was raised in a loving household, yet it was shrouded in grief, which in turn, affected me. my father made me promise to never fall in love, so i wouldn't get hurt like him.'